It's Been 5 Months

Well, hello there! It’s been 5 months since I last wrote or created anything. It’s been so long that I truly forgot my login details to even gain access to my blog again. That alone can tell you how much of a break I truly took from anything regarding LoDownLiving. But, today I woke up with a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. Today I woke up wanting to write again, wanting to create again, wanting to put something out into the world again. It’s a feeling I had been longing for over these last few months & I wasn’t sure it would come back.

“A lot of the work I put out there was deeply personal & a stretch outside of my comfort zone.”

Five months ago I had a different feeling than the one I had this morning. Back then I was feeling burned out, lost, confused, and frustrated. I had put some of my best work out there in that last season of the podcast and I still wasn’t seeing anything for it. I know when you read blogs or research wanting to start a new creative project “they” always tell you to not do it to receive anything in return. And believe me, that is true 98% of the time. But, I’m also human.

A lot of the work I put out there was deeply personal & a stretch outside of my comfort zone. It’s not easy to talk about weight loss, food restriction, wanting to be a mom (uh, hello - now I’m 28 weeks pregnant!), goals, aspirations, relationships and so much more. I can truthfully say that every episode or blog post I put out there was with a lot of heart, soul & effort.

“I share these things because there was a time in my life (and even still to this day) where I knew I couldn’t be the only one going through these things or thinking these thoughts.”

But sometimes it felt as though the work went unnoticed. And when I had those feelings it was hard to keep pushing, to keep going & to keep creating. I don’t share my experiences, thoughts & feelings for myself. I don’t do it to hear myself talk or to give myself a pat on the back. I share these things because there was a time in my life (and even still to this day) where I knew I couldn’t be the only one going through these things or thinking these thoughts. And so, I decided to talk about my goals, fears, thoughts & feelings in case there was at least 1 other person out there who felt alone on their journey too. And when I would put so much effort and time into putting something out there that was vulnerable and a bit scary, for it to receive crickets at times just broke my heart.

Maybe to you that sounds dramatic but, when you put your all into something and see it fall short it’s inevitable that it may sting a bit. So, I just had to let it go for awhile. I just had to stop being so attached to the outcome and give myself space to get back to why I started all of this back in 2016.

Back in 2016, there wasn’t anyone else (besides my sisters) that looked like me and were talking about these topics.

As I mentioned a bit above, I started The LoDownLiving Blog + Podcast out of a need I saw for myself. I am a brown girl, living in the midwest who is interested in topics around health & wellness from a different perspective. I enjoy talking about things like magic, tarot readings, crystals, energies, intuition and how all of those can be our guides through tougher conversations like our relationships with food, our bodies, our partners, our careers, or creative endeavors and so much more. Back in 2016, there wasn’t anyone else (besides my sisters) that looked like me and were talking about these topics.

Thankfully, as the years have passed I’ve had the pleasure of finding more women whose messages align with my values and interests. It’s so exciting to see and I’m really happy these conversations are happening more and more.

Also, I should note that during the time from July to now (December), I received the blessing of becoming pregnant. This changed my life completely from the get go. Not only because of the terrible morning sickness for the ENTIRE first trimester (omg, it was awful) but also just wondering how I’d ever be able to bring back the blog and podcast once our little one arrived.

But, today I woke up wanting to write. Today I had something to say that I was okay putting out into the world.

I kept wondering - am I mommy blogger now? Do I need to talk about my kid all the time? Will I need to create a brand new community if my current one isn’t interested in pregnancy/motherhood conversations? I wasn’t sure how to move on with this new life coming towards me with each passing week.

But, today I woke up wanting to write. Today I had something to say that I was okay putting out into the world. And I wanted to run with that feeling without questioning it to death. I do that sometimes, you know? Question something so much that I never actually DO the thing I was originally questioning. But not this morning.

So where do we go from here? Onward.

I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant. And in 12 short weeks I’ll be welcoming a new baby boy into my and Albert’s life. And I’m equally as scared as I am nervous. I think we both are. And I’m also very aware that the first few months with a newborn will be a stretch on my patience as I know sleep will be a thing that isn’t consistent.

I won’t commit to writing every day, week or even month. Same with the podcast & newsletter. But I can say that when it feels right, I’ll come here to share. We’ll continue our conversations about body positivity, intuitive eating, mental health & minimalism. I’ll pepper in some of my experiences with pregnancy and motherhood as I see fit too. And we’ll just have a good time.

How’s that sounds? It feels good to be writing right now and I think that’s why these words have flown so effortlessly in comparison to other times I’ve tried to write. So, thank you for the podcast reviews that you’ve continued to share, the Instagram messages you still been sending and just your overall support and understanding as I allow myself to be human and navigate a rocky time.

We’ll talk soon, ok?

Love,

Laura

The LoDownLiving Blog
LifeLaura Payne2 Comments